Wednesday, October 31, 2001 05:09 p.m. I think I've totally fucked with his mind. --;;; He came over to persuade me on Monday which was unsuccessful. He called twice yesterday...and I told him not to come over...even though he was being *quite* persistent. He called today and said that he wasn't sure how I felt...so he's gonna think things over and not call me until next Wednesday. --;; I don't know *how* I could have made how I feel more clear.... I've been repeatedly telling him 'no' for the last 3 days. Besides, he wouldn't have made any progess with me if he hadn't gotten me drunk in the first place. And he knew that I was drunk too... -_-;;; I'm a little resentful. But he sounded pretty upset/depressed. I feel a little guilty. Maybe I *was* leading him on a bit. Although... still... a guy who takes that kind of liberties with a girl who is cleary not sober and whom he's only met twice before... I have doubts about. Serious doubts. Surprisingly, on the other side of guilt, I feel good. Too many people have been screwing with my life. So there. I get to screw up other peoples' lives too. -_-;; I feel more alert today and less depressed than I have in the past several months. It could be the 2 cups of coffee I had today, but I think it's more than that. It's the exhilerating feel of just *not being nice*. Actually, I'm not really screwing with his life. He deserves everything he gets. And probably more. I could probably charge him with assault and get away with it. And harrassment. He's said a lot of very sexual things that made me uncomfortable in the past two days...despite my having told him no repeatedly. Who the hell cares about how upset he is anyway? It's his fault for making up his mind that that I'm a nice and innocent girl anyway...after he's seen me like... twice. -_-;;; As the Evil boy told me recently, I "look like a quiet and nice girl" but am actually "quite dry and acrid."

Monday, October 29, 2001 03:51 p.m. I feel FUUUUUUUUUCKED~!!!!!

Monday, October 29, 2001 12:36 a.m. Made progress with yet another guy today. -_-;;; We knew each other from before but not well. We hung out at the party yesterday and today, I cooked for him. Why is it that every guy I cook for wants to make something out of it? Am I that good of a cook? Should I be flattered or insulted? -_-;;;; We made a date in a couple of days. He's Korean. About 5 years older. I have a feeling that he takes this much more seriously than I do...and I'm a bit nervous. I'm too screwy in the head at the moment...to take anything seriously. Feeling very unstable. Don't want to screw him up as well.. but perhaps I should be worrying about myself at the moment. -_-;;;;;

Sunday, October 28, 2001 01:28 a.m. Went to Halloween party. Drunk. Very very drunk. Don't know what I'm typing. Very very very drunk. Oh. Vertigo. Oh......

Thursday, October 25, 2001 08:35 p.m. Had neuro group session today. We got to interview patients and present the cases to our group. This is what happened. -_-;;;;; The doctor was a neuro surgeon. He was funny...-_-;;;;;; classmate1: (raises hand) doctor: Are you raising your hand because you want to go first and present or are you just stretching? classmate1: uhh... I thought I'd present. doctor: Wow. *pause* Do you usually do this? Does it get you into trouble? Or are you trying to stay out of trouble this way? classmate1: -_-;;; I guess the latter. classmate2: ^^;;;;; He like to take the initiative. doctor: "Take initiative", hmmm? I guess that's one way of calling it. all of us: ^^;;;; -_-;;;;;; I like neuro surgery. I think I'll consider it as a profession. ^^;;;;;;;; Must have better hours than gen surg. And only a few more years of training.... And of course, WAAAAAAY better pay. Coanteen. I don't need to go there to carry out my threats. I'll just send my kokuryu over. ^___^ Give best regards to pokemark. Tell him that I'll send him a gift (or maybe just spare him....with the kokuryu) if he chaperons you two. Meta. ^^;;; The boy is very very very cute~!!!!!!! Aaaaah~~~~!!! Cute boys in Shinshengumi~!! But isn't 15 (or even 17) rather young? ^^;;;; Ah, well....

Sunday, October 21, 2001 03:03 a.m. My scanner is not working. T_T It came with an installation program for Windows 98. And now that I have a Windows XP, it's not installing it. This is stupid. Shouldn't Windows XP be able to do everything that Windows 98 is able to do? Or is that just my simple-minded thinking? Windows 98 wasn't *that* long ago.... Ugggghhh....

Saturday, October 20, 2001 08:31 p.m. Meta. The layout looks good. ^___^ And yes. It's centered. ^^;;; I love Yami no Matsuei art. I just haven't watched enough of YNM to like its story. But I have eps 7-13 now. Should go and watch, ne? I'm currently bonding well with my new Pentium IV. And my 19" monitor. ^_____^ Installling all those things I used to have in my computer...like FTP and stuff. ^___^ Happy. Happy.

Friday, October 19, 2001 02:53 a.m. I don't feel good. I've missed most of my classes this week and stayed up for a total of 2 hours of lectures. Of course, I still had to do about 15 hours of group sessions...but i'm still disappointed in myself. On the other hand... I kinda feel indignantly justified for I'm missing classes and on the whole being irresponsible. I don't want to be responsible. Why do I always have to be the one to be responsible? I got an email today from the director of our art crew... for a variety show that the department is throwing. It was a group email saying how she's happy that eveyone has been doing well meeting the deadlines..except me, of course. She hopes that I'll make it to the meeting on Monday but for some reason doubts it. Well.. she wouldn't be having so much problem with me if she hasn't dumped the job of doing the program cover on me just because she says I'm good at art.. while other people gets things like cutting out happy faces. -_-;;; And when I said that I don't wanna be responsible for something quite that big, she said that she'll do it too.. which she hasn't. I've been so out of it, I don't even know what the performances are gonna be about... All I have is a title for the show. What should I do? Whine whine bitch bitch. I'm so pathetic. I know I'm making excuses. I should be stronger than this. I should be more responsible... I used to be able to take all kinds of shit and manage quite well. What happened?

Monday, October 15, 2001 02:56 p.m. Figures. You were pretty bitchy to them, Coanteen. Nobody's as bitchy as people from U of T. Especially doing Master's (oh, the horror of living on minimum wage, working 20 hours a day in a dingy lab and paying half your income for tuition~!). Except maybe married people doing Master's at U of T. Ochiba has all of gravitation episodes up. I'm sure you know this already, Meta but in case you don't, go and download~!!!

Sunday, October 14, 2001 04:00 p.m. I was supposed to do brushpainting with this girl in my class today. But she got hung over from last night and is still sleeping. ^^;; So now I find myself with a whole evening free~! ^___^ I'm kinda relieved. Lots of stuff due this week in school. And having the next 10 hours or so free will definitely help. Meta. My condolences on your scanner. *a moment of silence* Better luck with your future scanner endeavors. And Coanteen. I refuse to live with you and fishie unless I get to be the leader of the cult. Worship me. It appears I will be getting a new computer and giving mine to sis. She doesn't use computer other than to check email and she was happy that she could get mine... ^^;;;; I guess my computer is not that crappy. 188MB ram isn't too bad...and I have a CD RW and stuff. And she won't have to pay horrendous amounts of money or go looking for one all over the place. I want a pentium IV. Too much? Too spoiled? Maybe.....

Sunday, October 14, 2001 02:00 a.m. Went to tub boy's party. Left fairly soon. Went to eat ice cream at another friend's instead. ^___^ Made me feel better...after lots of crying. Ah. I cry too much these days. Wanted some bubble tea but maybe it's good that we just had ice cream. At least, it wasn't a public place. New layout. Hmmmmm... I'm still working on it. It seems to me that there's a wide margin around entries.. like 150 pixels wide. Don't know how to get rid of it. Hmmmm....